Bill passed away this morning. He went peacefully in his sleep. Even though I thought I was prepared, it was pretty overwhelming. He was stirring around 3:00 a.m. and I got up to give him some more pain medication. I sat with him and held his hand for about and hour while he settled down and seemed comfortable again. He did squeeze my hand, at least I would like to believe that he did.

When I awoke this morning to check on him he was gone. He finally made his peace. He fought a very long, painful battle and didn't really complain very much, he never was bitter and tried to keep a positive attitude throughout the fight.

We will hold visitation on Friday at the Highland Funeral Home on Taylorsville Rd from 2-4 and 6-8. The funeral mass will be at St. Agnes Church on Newburg Rd at 1:00. I want to thank all of the many family and friends who have been praying for him and sending positive thoughts throughout this ordeal. I know he is at peace now, and soon I hope I too will have that peace.

It's been a rough week for all of us here at the Nolan home.  We're holding vigil by Bill's  living room bedside but it is not easy to see him this way.  I don't think he is in much pain which is a good thing, but he is not really awake or coherent very much of the time either.  To put it bluntly, we are watching him deteriorate and the feeling of helplessness is overwhelming at times.  

 

We're (the kids and I) trying to stay positive, remembering stories and good times, looking through the pictures from a lifetime together and sometimes that works for a while.  We are lucky in that we have so many family members and friends offering their love and support.  We know we are blessed in that respect, thank you.  I feel as if we have actually been grieving for the past 18 months and sometimes I think I'm going to run out of steam.  But I guess God knows how much a person can take and hopefully I can remain strong for as long as it takes.  

Hosparus (Hospice) is a wonderful resource from where we sit.  They have already been a huge help and their services extend beyond the medication and medical equipment.  We are grateful for their support.  

I hope this part doesn't linger.  I think he has suffered enough.  Holly

Home Again!

We were able to bring Bill home from the hospital last night.  He was glad to be home, and we have set up a bed in the living room for him with the couch nearby for me.  Hospice is helping us to care for him at home now.  He has fought a long and very difficult battle.   He is very weak, but fortunately the Docs have been able to control his intolerable pain and he is able to rest comfortably here at home.  

The past 18 months have been rough on all of us.  Right now my emotions are all over the place.  We are so grateful for the prayers and support, cards, visits and positive thoughts along the course of this journey from our friends and family.  Our priority right now is to keep Bill comfortable, pain free and surrounded by love.   

 

We made if home safely from Pittsburgh about 4:00 pm yesterday.  It was not a bad drive but it was pretty rough on Bill.  He seems to have gotten progressively worse quickly over the past week or so, not able to eat or drink much because of the pain.  Of course when you cannot eat or drink much your body reacts rather negatively.  He has become very dehydrated and weak.  

So, this morning the girls and I took him to the hospital where he is receiving fluids and a stronger pain medication.  Neither Bill nor I wanted to face another round in the hospital, but it was time.  He was in pretty bad shape.  They will do some tests while we're here and see if they can determine what's going on.  The Dr. promised we would not be here long, but we've certainly heard that before and to be honest, I don't want to go home only to return in a day or so.  So, we are in University room 527 hanging out.  

We don't really know what we might do about Pittsburgh, if anything.  They are running a clinical trial on a Melanoma vaccine which sounds promising to me, but there are strict guidelines for eligibility.  In order to even find out if he is eligible, we would need to make another trip and have tests done.  So, given his current state, that may not be an option.  I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens in the next couple of days.  

In the meantime, he is resting comfortably and filling up with fluids.  The kids are all down this weekend, they are my strength, all four of them.  Thanks for continuing to send those positive thoughts our way.  

It looks like we're heading to Pittsburgh on Wednesday.  The Hillman Cancer Center at the University of Pittsburgh has agreed to see us (whatever that means).  We have a consult appt. on Thursday to see if there might be a clinical trial for which Bill is eligible.  We're hopeful that the answer will be yes, our Drs. here think the possibility is good.  So, we're hitting the road.

Since Bill has been feeling so tired lately, he has a weekly standing blood draw order including a blood transfusion if necessary.  Yesterday we went in for the blood draw thinking that if he was to have a transfusion it would be Monday at the earliest, since his blood is so difficult to find.  I guess we lucked out because they had two units of his blood ready for him.  So we were at the Cancer center from 11:30-7:30.  It was a very long day.  Hopefully, the extra blood will help him feel more himself for a while.  

We would love to be out and about in this lovely weather although I don't think the State Fair is on the agenda.  As always, thanks for your positive thoughts, cards and prayers.  Holly

We celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary yesterday with a very nice dinner out at the newest Bristol in Jeffersonville, IN overlooking the river and the Louisville skyline.  It was nice to have a few hours to ourselves with nothing more to think about than food and the view.  

We saw the oncologist today and again heard some bad news.  The National Cancer Institute has turned Bill down.  It's ironic really.  He does not have a tumor big enough to remove, and they need to be able to do that in order for him to qualify for a study.  So I guess it was good that he does not have a large tumor right now, but then ...  So, we are now looking into the University of Pittsburgh to see what studies they might have.  We have reached a point where the only other option for Bill is more of the same treatment he had last fall only stronger.  Which you might remember almost killed him.  Dr. Miller, the oncologist, is not recommending that treatment yet.  He wants to keep looking for possible clinical trials.  So, we continue to wait.  

Bill is trying to deal with this news positively but, it's hard to take and he is feeling pretty down.  As you can imagine the fight wears you down.   We're going to try and stay positive, get out and do something fun as often as we can, when he feels strong in the meantime.  Thanks for those continuing positive thoughts and words of support.  We continue to fight.  

We celebrated Bill's 58th birthday yesterday with a small family gathering.  It was so nice to visit with everyone, Bill really enjoyed the day.  He feels pretty good, able to make it out for a couple of hours to do something most days.  He still has some pain but the pain medication seems to keep that at bay most times.  

We continue to be in a holding pattern with regard to next steps.  The insurance company has denied coverage of the clinical trial with Ontak again, so that does not appear to be an option.  We are checking with the National Cancer Institute to see if they might have something that Bill would qualify for, but so far no word.   Dr. Polk has also contacted the Drs. at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Texas for options, but no word yet.  So, as you can imagine it's a little frustrating and worrisome, but we're doing our best to stay positive.  

Bill still checks his email most days, so correspondence is welcomed.  We really appreciate those encouraging words and thoughts.  As always, thanks for your positive thoughts and prayers.  

We saw the oncologist today to discuss options.  I had shared with a few people that we discovered last week, our insurance will not pay for  clinical trials.   We were supposed to start a new treatment this week.  So now we  have a new game plan.  First of all, Bill will get a blood transfusion tomorrow if they can locate a match for him.  His hemoglobin was down to 8 ( normal is between 13-15) which is causing him to be anemic and extremely tired.  We will do that at the Brown Cancer Center in the morning.  

In the meantime, Dr. Miller (the oncologist) is going to contact the Dr. at Humana in charge of the "denials" and see if he can convince Humana to cover the clinical trial.  He is also contacting the National Cancer Institute in Bethesda, MD to see if Bill  might qualify for one of their trials which would be paid for with grant money.  So we are still in a holding pattern, although Dr. Miller wants to get something going within the next week or so.  The only other chemo option seems to be basically more of the same treatment he had last fall and winter, which as you know was extremely tough on him.  

Needless to say, we are feeling pretty down at the moment.  Hopefully, the blood transfusion will provide Bill with  strength and energy and allow for some normal activity for a while.  It's been such a good summer for us so far and we're grateful, it's just that we would like to see the good continue.  

I'll keep you posted.  Love, Holly

Next Steps

This morning we saw the oncologist, discussed the results of the latest PET/CT scan and determined our next steps in this ongoing battle against melanoma.  The scan showed some small spots in the bowel, which we knew from the last surgery were there.  It did not show signs of cancer anywhere else, still no spreading, which is  great news.  

Bill's vital signs are good, he has gained a little weight over the past few weeks and he is feeling pretty strong.  Given that, he has decided to take part in a clinical trial using the drug Ontak.  According to the Docs, Ontak is a drug that is designed to retrain one's immune system so that the immune system will fight the cancer cells.  The side effects are not as debilitating as chemo and the treatment is done out patient--no hospital yea!!  There are several preliminary tests that Bill will need to undergo in order to qualify for this clinical trial (to ensure that he is healthy enough to handle it) and if he qualifies the treatment will begin within the next couple of weeks. 

Although we are not looking forward to more treatments that may cause Bill to be weak and/or tired, we are grateful that the cancer is still contained.  He will undergo two cycles of treatment which will take about 2 months, and then he will have another PET scan.  If the films indicate that the treatment is working, he will have two more cycles.  If not of course he will stop the treatment and we will have to look at another strategy.  

We are trying to take things one day at a time, getting out whenever we can, spending time with family and friends.  It's not as easy as you might think to "live in the moment" especially when you have been a planner all of your life.  It has been so great to see so many of you as we have been able to get out.  

As always, we really appreciate your positive thoughts and prayers.  Please keep Bill in your prayers as he begins this next battle.  Hope to see you soon.  Holly  

Folly Beach Vacation

I have been meaning to get to this blog update all week, but the good news is we have been having so much fun at the beach that I did not want to come inside and write.  We got here, Folly Beach , SC on Saturday, June 27 and unfortunately it's already our last day.  The weather has been perfect, sunny and hot all week.  Bill got in the ocean a couple of times and he has been able to enjoy the sun and sand with us all week.  We feel extremely blessed.  We've had a big crowd with us, 15 of us all family and I can honestly say we're all still speaking to one another.  It has been just the break we all needed.  

Fanny was unable to come with us to the beach, but she has been having a wonderful time at home under the care of our friend Annie Herbert so we feel sure she is in good hands.  In fact, I'm a little worried that she may not want us to come home (Fanny not Annie) due to the fun filled week she's had.  

We will hit the road tomorrow and be home by Sunday afternoon hopefully.  I know your prayers and positive thoughts must be responsible for giving us this week of normalcy, it has been so great, Thanks.

Relay for Life

This past Saturday was the first annual "Cornhole" Tournament Fundraiser for the American Cancer Society in honor of Bill held in Northern KY at Amy and Troy's.  It was a huge success and raised about $1000 for the day.  Thanks so much to everyone who attended and/or donated on behalf of Bill.  We were blown away by the outpouring of support.  Everyone seemed to have fun, the weather cooperated and the food was delicious.  

Next Saturday we hope to return to Northern KY for the Relay for Life where "Bill's Lifeguards" will be among the many teams walking and running to raise money and awareness for cancer.  

We have two more weeks until it's time to leave for our beach vacation, and we're counting down the days.  Bill has not had much energy lately and he doesn't have much of an appetite.  We're not sure what's going on exactly, but we saw our surgeon last week and he wants him to have some blood tests run this week.  Hopefully, the docs will be able to give him something to help increase his appetite.  We're praying that this trip to the beach happens, we all need it.  

Right now, the plan is still to have another PET scan in July as soon as we return from vacation and then begin another round of chemo.  Of course in this battle everything is tentative, plans change quite often.  

So for now we're hanging pretty close to home, taking in a movie now and then and trying to get Bill stronger.  As always, thanks for your continued prayers and positive thoughts.  Holly

Happy Memorial Day

We hope everyone is having a safe and relaxing Memorial weekend enjoying family and friends.  We are certainly trying to make the most of it.  Bill continues to heal from his surgery and is getting stronger each day.  He is taking longer walks with Fanny and me and even participating in a little yard work.  

He has a follow up appointment with the oncologists tomorrow to discuss "next steps".  We are hopeful that things will continue to go our way and we will get to the beach in 5 weeks.  We're also looking forward to participating in the Relay for Life (Bill's Lifeguards) on June 20 up in Northern KY with the kids.  

I am no longer working at U of L.  Everyone there has been so wonderful and I miss being a part of the College of Ed, but I decided I needed to be a full time nurse for now.  So we're trying to take advantage of the freedom and time, just doing things we want to do.  The stronger Bill gets, the farther we can reach.  Travel is still a part of the long range goal.

Please keep in touch, we love to hear from you.  Thanks for your continued positive thoughts and prayers.  Holly

Home Once Again, Yeah!!

Bill was discharged from the hospital yesterday.  We have been able to enjoy a very nice Mother's Day weekend at home.  He is feeling pretty good considering he still has staples in his belly.  Things seem to be progressing in the right direction for now.  Keep those positive thoughts coming his way, they seem to be working.  

We are scheduled to go back to the surgeon on Tuesday morning to have the staples removed and make sure everything is still going according to plan.  So, for now we are enjoying this beautiful weather, our family and friends and taking it easy.  Your cards, letters, emails and phone calls are always so kind and encouraging.  Thanks for continuing your support,  it means so much to both of us.  

We hope to get back to working out and getting around in the "hood" soon.   Holly

Update

Bill continues to heal and make progress, we are hopeful that he will get to go home very soon. He has been given the go ahead to eat soft foods so he had a cheese omelet this morning.  If he is able to tolerate the soft foods, we're in good shape and should be given the okay for discharge.  In the meantime, we are trying to keep a positive attitude and enjoy the amenities here at University Hospital.  

We'll keep you posted on the his progress and let you know when we get home.  He is anxious to see his Fanny, she has been vacationing at Emily and Eric's for the week.  As always thanks for keeping us in your prayers.  Holly

Surgery #4

The surgery yesterday went well with very little drama thankfully.  The docs were able to remove one tumor about 2-3 inches in diameter and 10 smaller ones.  They saw no signs of cancer in any other organs in his abdominal area which is very good news.  He had a good night and is in no pain this morning.  He is expected to get out of bed and sit in a chair for a while today, they want him moving around as soon as possible.  So, that will be our goal for today.  

He is in good spirits, no pain and talking about eating.  Of course he cannot have anything to eat yet, maybe not  for the next two or three days,  but having an appetite is a good thing for Bill these days.  Hopefully he will get the okay for food soon.  

At this point we don't know how long our stay in the hospital will be, we're thinking about a week if all goes as planned.  We're trying to stay positive, the staff at University are top notch so we know we're in good hands.  As always, thanks for keeping us in your prayers.  Holly 

Update

We went in to the hospital today for the pre-op work in preparation for surgery.  So far everything is still on as planned, surgery next Monday, May 4 at University Hospital.  If all goes the way we hope, Bill's stay in the hospital should be about a week and then he can continue his recovery at home.  

As soon as he is strong enough, he will have another PET scan and from that the oncologist Docs will determine which clinical trial (chemo again) will be the best fit.  Bill is feeling okay.  He is strong physically and hanging in there emotionally too.  He is determined to fight.  

We plan to spend the rest of this week doing whatever he wants to do and enjoying it.  Hopefully, this surgery will take a much smoother path than our experiences last spring and summer.  Thanks for your continued prayers, kind thoughts and words of encouragement.  I'll keep you posted.  Holly

The latest trial

The results of Bill' PET scan taken on Wednesday showed at least two small tumors in his lower bowel.  Obviously, this is not the kind of news we were hoping for and it has taken us a few days to digest it.  We have already been to see his surgeon, Dr. Polk to review the films and the radiologist's report.  Dr. Polk has also consulted with the oncologist and surgery is scheduled for Monday, May 4 to remove the tumors along with the surrounding sections of the bowel.  We are hopeful that things will go according to the plan without too much drama.  We know from previous experience that a bowel obstruction can be extremely painful so we are holding our breath that nothing changes before May 4.  

Right now, Bill feels good physically.  We're trying to continue doing the things he likes to do and live each day with a positive attitude.  The emotional stress is overwhelming sometimes, but we are giving it our best fight.  As of now we hope to spend the next two weeks enjoying the spring weather and Derby activities.  

I will do my best to keep the blog updated.  I know you will continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  Thanks, Holly

Checking In

I know it has been a while since our last post and I apologize.  In this case, no news is good news.  Bill seems to be tolerating the new chemo treatment pretty well.  He is a little more fatigued during the 14 days that he is on the treatment, but not significantly.  Definitely not enough to discontinue the treatment so far.  We are happy about that and will find out if this treatment is effective soon.  He is scheduled for a PET scan on April 15 and will see the oncologist the following week.  We know you will keep your positive thoughts and prayers focused on good results.  

As Bill gets stronger, we are venturing out into the world again, and seeing many of you.  Thanks so much for your welcoming and supportive words.  It has been so reassuring to see friends again and get back to the normalcy of our lives.  Everyone has been so kind.  You wouldn't think it but it's difficult to get back out there in some respects.   

Our daughters, Amy and Emily, and their husbands, Troy and Eric are sponsoring a Relay for Life Team in honor of Bill and several other family members called "Bill's Lifeguards".  The walk to raise money for the American Cancer Society is scheduled for June 20 and the kids are sponsoring  a "corn hole" tournament on June 13 to raise funds for the team.  We are so touched and extremely proud of them all for doing this.   Amy is in charge and there is a team website.  You can go to the American Cancer Society website and look for supportive events or send her an email afedders10@yahoo.com to find out the details.   Also click here to donate to the cause.

We have big plans for this spring.  Hopefully, we will be able to see them through.  As always, thanks so much for your continued support, prayers and positive thoughts.  Hope to see you out and about soon.  

Updates

We are so very thankful that things are still moving along in a positive direction for Bill.  He began taking temodar, an oral chemo treatment, a little over a week ago, and so far so good.  He has not noticed any side effects up to this point, so we are very hopeful that this chemo routine will be much less invasive.  He will take the temodar in 14 day cycles, on 14 and off 14 for as long as he tolerates it, if it seems to be working.  He is scheduled for his next PET scan and Dr. appointment in April.  So, until then, we are trying to get back into a "normal" routine.  

He has been officially released from rehab and is trying to get back into a regular exercise routine at Lakeside again.  It has been so nice to see the friendly faces of our  "exercise buddies" and everyone has been so welcoming.  We are looking forward to spending time there this summer.  

Currently, we are gearing up for the St. Patrick's Day festivities, as all good Hibernians should be.  Hopefully the weather will cooperate a little more this year (not that standing in the cold rain for hours isn't fun) but a sunny warm day would be nice.  So, if you're looking for an afternoon of fun, keep the St. Patrick's Day parade in mind.  March 14 at 3:00 at Baxter and Bardstown Rd, everyone is Irish on parade day.  We would love to see you!

As always, thanks so much for your continued support and positive thoughts.  Keep in touch, Holly

Updates

Things continue to be good for us.  Bill is continuing to gain strength, in fact he will probably "graduate" from rehab in a few weeks.  So, in preparation for that, he has begun to get back to Lakeside for workouts.  He has really enjoyed seeing folks and catching up (as well as getting back into the exercise routine of course!)  The goal is to return to a regular exercise routine and begin to build up those muscles.  

We have an appointment with the oncologist next week.  We will discuss starting this next proposed chemo routine.  Bill is willing to give it a try, who knows what drama that may bring.  But, we have to trust the Docs and at least try it.  

Fanny continues to both give us joy and drive us crazy.  We're thinking obedience classes, WE need the training.  When it comes to cute little puppies I guess we're push overs.  

We continue to take things one day at a time, grateful for all the acts of kindness and support. 

Thanks,  and keep in touch.  

Home Sweet Home

We returned home on Monday from our vacation in Northern KY and hoorah! we had power.  Other than some fairly minor cleanup both inside and out, we were lucky.  I guess over time we take certain technological advances for granted, like heat and hot water.   Believe me, Bill and I have a renewed appreciation for LG & E and all the workers, what a major cleanup job.  I hope everyone effected by the storm faired well.  

We apologize to anyone who might have tried to contact us last week during the power outage. We left town in a hurry and may have missed you.  

Bill is continuing to do well.  He seems to be getting stronger and able to do more around the house everyday.  He is continuing to go to rehab twice a week, which is a huge plus for him.  We have an appointment with the cardiologist next week to let us know what the echo cardiogram shows.  Since he seems to feel fine, we're not expecting any problems with his heart.  We'll see. 

In the meantime, we are working hard to get our lives back.  We hope to be able to continue in this direction for a long time.  

Fanny is keeping us busy and happy.  She already rules the roost, not spoiled at all of course.  If we ever get it together, I will take some updated pix of her and post them, I'm sure everyone is interested in watching her progress.  

As always, thanks so much for thinking of us and your continued support.  We love hearing from everyone and keeping up with things.  Happy Valentine's Day!  Holly 

Power Outage Again

I don't know about you guys but spring cannot come soon enough for us.  Like most of Louisville, we lost power early Wednesday morning and the temperature in the house dropped quickly.  We tried to tough it out in our sleeping bags in front of the fireplace for one day and night, but when we ran out of firewood we decided to bail.  Luckily, our children still like us so we have taken temporary refuge in northern KY at Amy and Troy's.  Hopefully, the power will be restored before we wear out our welcome.  Fanny especially, is not the most cooperative house guest.  

In the mean time, Bill is still progressing in a positive direction.  He gets stronger daily and continues to go to rehab for both physical and occupational therapy at Frazier Rehab.  He enjoys the workout.  He has a heart test scheduled for next week, a follow up from the testing at the hospital but we don't suspect any bad news from that. Otherwise, for now, all is good with us.  

Stay warm and keep in touch.  Holly 

Wonderful News!

Today has indeed been a wonderful day, both for the country and the Nolans.  Today we learned the results of Bill's latest PET and MRI scans.  Both were very good!!  No cancer in the brain and continued progress in the rest of the body.  We are thrilled!!  We had almost forgotten how it feels to be happy.  We feel so blessed.  

Bill goes back to the oncologist in a month and at that time we will discuss follow up chemo in a pill form that supposedly has very little side effects.  They want him to have a chance to put on some weight and build up his strength before dealing with chemo again.   This is considered a preventative measure.  We have not had much time to discuss this next step yet, but I'm sure Bill will want to at least give it a try.  

Fanny is still keeping us very busy.  She is a cutie, but a real handful, it's like having a baby again.  

As always, thanks so much for keeping our family in your prayers.  It certainly is working.  Hope to see you as we begin to get out and about again.  Holly

Fanny Arrives

Fanny Nolan (our new Westie puppy) arrived on the scene on Monday.  She is a real sweetie and as expected is keeping us hopping.  She is definitely a good distraction for us.  

Bill continues to get stronger each day and we are hopeful that he has indeed turned the corner.  We're taking one day at a time trying to do some of the things we like, making life as normal as we can.  Next week he will go back to the Dr. for a PET scan and another MRI.  Then we have a follow up appointment with the oncologist the following Tuesday to learn the results.  Hopefully, all will continue to go well.  

In the meantime, we're enjoying Fanny and the granddogs, as well as the human members of our family and friends of course.  Thanks for continuing to send us  your positive thoughts and keeping us prayers.   

Happy New Year!

I hope this message finds everyone well and enjoying a peaceful New Year's Day watching football or enjoying a nice fire.  That's what we're doing today, thankfully.  We had a very nice Christmas with family and friends followed by a pretty encouraging Dr. appointment.  Bill's electrolytes have been a little low due to the chemo, which keeps him feeling pretty tired.  That seems to be a fairly easy fix, a few hours of IV magnesium and he feels much stronger.  Based on this factor and the fact that he seems to continue to get better, the Doc thinks that it's a pretty good chance that his "episodes" have been the result of the chemo rather than more cancer.  He will have another MRI in a week or so along with another PET scan to verify this theory.  Of course, we're keeping our fingers crossed that this is the case and there is no cancer in his brain.  

In the meantime, we're enjoying being at home and getting back to doing some of the simple things.  We did manage to get out to the Irish New Year's Eve Celebration at Flannigan's last night and it was great.  Everyone was so nice and made Bill feel so good.  Thanks AOH!!  Hopefully he can begin to get out to more things like that, and live again.  

We're also adding to the family next week, we're getting a puppy.  We've picked out a West Highland Terrier her name will be Fannie.  She will be Bill's dog, he will take care of her and clean up her messes.  (I keep telling myself that)  Actually we are both pretty excited about it, I think she will be just the right medicine for us.  

So for now, things with the Nolans are good.  As always, thanks for your continued prayers and support.  Hopefully 2009 will be a wonderful year for everyone.    Holly